I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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