gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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