I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
