At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
