My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
