apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
