So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
