Someone shit on the floor
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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