There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
