I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
