what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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