Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
