I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
