why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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