Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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