It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
