its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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