I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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