If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
