i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
