Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so let's talk penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
