maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
