I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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