He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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