i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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