why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
