You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do herpes really smell.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
