Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
