I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
barbara walters just said penis...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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