Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
