Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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