ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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