You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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