The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
