Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
