I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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