in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
