4 words: hood of his car
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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