Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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