just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
