Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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