Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"