Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You took a bar mat shot.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing