everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.