i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
