The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
