i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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