just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
