I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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