I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
