Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
