That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
