There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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