I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
