I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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