She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
