I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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