As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
