I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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