If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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