Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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