One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
