It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
