He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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