dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
